


False Start

by rhoen



Series: Let Me Count the Ways [4]
Category: Naruto
Genre: (Raidou's Favourite), Alcohol, Blow Jobs, Consensual, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pre-Relationship, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-16 15:49:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11256072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhoen/pseuds/rhoen
Summary: Raidou returns from a mission in need of something more than just a shower and a good night’s rest.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks again to my beta KalessinAstarno!
> 
> I'm not yet sure how long this update will be, so I've decided to split it into two chapters. Smut to follow!
> 
> In this chapter Genma is out at a bar with a few friends. While they do have one or two drinks, no one is described as drunk, and Genma certainly hasn't had enough to compromise giving consent (neither has Raidou, for that matter).

A night out with a few friends was always a good distraction, and after three weeks and two days of replaying what had happened with Raidou after their mission together, Genma needed it. He settled into the booth beside Ebisu in their usual bar, Kakashi taking a seat the other side while Gai went to get their traditional first round, and looked forward to a relatively enjoyable evening. He and Ebisu had taken silent bets on how many drinks it would take before Gai would challenge Kakashi to a contest of some sort, and his tab for that evening rested on the answer being three.

They were just two drinks into the evening when things took a turn for the worse. Genma’s attention wandered as the other three talked about the genin teams they’d lead, and as he glanced up from his almost finished drink, trying desperately not to think about Raidou, Genma saw Aoba making his way through the bar. He froze. Aoba had been on a mission with Raidou and Tokuma, and if Aoba was there…

The sight of Raidou trailing close behind Aoba left Genma more than breathless, emotions slamming into him. All at once he felt crushed and elated, desperate to reach out and yet afraid to draw attention to himself. His stomach lurched, heart skipping several beats before thrashing wildly against his chest. The warm haze of alcohol was absolutely nothing compared to the visceral reaction Raidou caused, and he was neither sober nor drunk enough to deal with everything he felt in that moment. Raidou wasn’t due back for another three days. Genma hadn’t expected, hadn’t anticipated, hadn’t prepared…

He barely managed a shaky smile, and raised his hand in greeting when Aoba spotted their little group and walked over. “Yo, Aoba. Raidou.”

Something dangerous was trying to claw its way out of him, rising from his chest and filling him with an unbearable yearning. Raidou looked terrible; he was tired, worn, and a little too stiff down one side, as if injured, and his gaze slid limply over Genma. Both he and Aoba had clearly showered and changed before coming out, and Genma noticed with painful fondness that the jumper Raidou was wearing was the same one he’d lent Genma a few weeks ago. Genma had to force himself to stop speaking after uttering Raidou’s name: he wanted to say it over and over like a mantra, reaching out to the other man to make sure he was real, that he was okay. There was something more than post-mission fatigue haunting Raidou’s handsome features, and Genma’s first instinct was to gravitate towards his friend.

Gai gave an enthusiastic welcome when he realised they had company, jarring Genma from his thoughts as he invited the two to sit down. As Gai and Kakashi shuffled up to make space, Genma stood. The room was starting to spin, and he was possessed by the sudden knowledge that he would do or say something very stupid if he didn’t remove himself from the situation immediately.

“Excuse me,” he mumbled, hurriedly trying to escape the haunted look Raidou gave him. He half tripped over his own feet in his haste, and tried not to think about how clumsy he must appear as he scrambled to put distance between himself and the one person he longed for above all else but knew he couldn’t reach out to. He told himself he wasn’t fleeing, but that was exactly what he was doing.

It was only when he slid the lock home on the cubicle that the rush of anxiety and yearning truly caught up with him. Genma found himself gripped by subtle shivers, and closed his eyes against the weight of emotions tearing through him, trying to work out how to master them. He couldn’t afford to be like this, to react this way every time Raidou returned from a mission. Raidou was a friend – a good friend – and if Genma couldn’t get a grip of himself he was going to fuck that up. He half wondered if he hadn’t already. What happened between them three weeks ago was etched in his memory, and there wasn’t a moment of it Genma couldn’t recall with startling clarity.

A strong shudder rippled through him, and he sat on the closed toilet seat, head falling to his hands and senbon drooping between his teeth. Part of him thought that what they’d briefly shared was worth enduring anything for, whereas the rest of him couldn’t stand it, or the fact that they’d gone back to being friends afterwards, albeit awkward ones. It was a miracle no one had picked up on it or said anything yet; there was an uneasiness in Raidou now that hadn’t been there before, and, knowing that he’d been the cause of it, Genma had tried his utmost to keep the lines between them as clear as possible, and to keep a friendly distance. It was hard to pretend that nothing had changed when all Genma wanted to do was reach out and find his way back into Raidou’s arms, where it had felt like he’d belonged.

It hurt to remember the way Raidou had stiffened against him when it was over, and how he’d avoided brushing against Genma, reacting poorly to the casual touches Genma had chanced. In the end it had been clear that it was over, and Genma knew he had to live with that. He couldn’t afford to misread any of the glances Raidou gave him, even if he thought he’d seen a flicker of interest in Raidou’s gaze when they’d been assigned to the same team for their next two missions, or when they’d been working for the Hokage in between. Nothing had come of it. The additional member to their team on the missions might have accounted for it, but when they reached the village Raidou hadn’t offered the same flimsy excuse that made Genma’s heart leap with joy first time. He hadn’t offered any excuse or invitation, just a polite goodbye. Genma had gone home feeling like a piece of himself was missing. 

Gritting his teeth around the senbon, Genma tried to gather himself. He knew he couldn’t waste time hoping. Whatever had happened between them didn’t matter anymore. It was in the past. If he didn’t get a grip of himself, he’d lose even more. Raidou would lose out too. Genma’s heart sank as he remembered the hurt, lonely look in Raidou’s eyes just a minute ago that had torn at him. For whatever reason, the mission Raidou had just come back from hadn’t been a kind one, and Genma knew that, in this kind of situation, friends looked out for each other. He didn’t know what Raidou needed, but his presence in the bar seemed to indicate that he needed company and/or alcohol. Maybe the others would notice and keep an eye out for him, but Genma wasn’t about to assume they would.

With a sigh, Genma stood again, trying to assess how drunk he was. Not very, he decided. He wasn’t exactly sober, but Raidou’s sudden appearance had disrupted the warm buzz that had been growing, half shocking him back to sobriety. It was his thoughts and emotions that left him unsteady. It would be easy to drown himself in drink, folding in on himself as he tried to reconcile what he wanted with what he could have, but even if he wanted to do that he knew he couldn’t. Raidou might be able to take care of himself on his own, but that didn’t mean he should have to.

The plan Genma formulated was simple: get a drink, plant himself down at the table, take part in conversation like normal, and make sure Raidou got home safely. He wouldn’t reach out or crowd Raidou, or do anything that would make him uncomfortable; he’d simply be there, keeping Raidou company if he needed it.

The bar seemed busier when Genma went back out. He waited patiently for the bartender to notice him, giving her a grin that he hoped looked easier than it felt.

“Rum and coke, wasn’t it?” she asked with a friendly smile.

“Good memory,” he complimented, reaching for his wallet before he remembered the bet he had going with Ebisu. “Although make this one just a coke, please.”

She gave a nod, professional enough not to comment. “Ice?”

“Yeah, thanks. Can you put it on the tab for table seven?”

“Sure thing,” she agreed, pushing the ice cold glass towards him. He took it and made his way back to the booth, his heart in his mouth.

His space was still vacant. He’d half hoped, half feared that Raidou would squeeze in beside him, but both he and Aoba had settled on the opposite of the table, forcing Gai and Kakashi to shuffle round. Genma gave a weak smile as he slipped back into his seat, setting his glass down beside his almost finished one.

“Welcome back,” he said to the two men opposite him, noticing that Aoba appeared almost as worn as Raidou. Both had a cup of sake, and as Genma’s gaze slid over Raidou, Raidou downed his, heavy eyes falling to the table as he set the cup back down. Genma hastily looked away, stung by the avoidance.

“It’s good to be back, I tell you,” Aoba sighed, leaning back and slouching as he nursed his drink. “So, Gai, what’s this about the Hyuuga compound?”

“Oh yes!” Gai all but shouted, leaning forward and almost upending Kakashi’s drink. “A tale of suspense and disbelief! The most exciting of events! I shall tell you…”

Despite himself, Genma couldn’t help grinning into his drink as he drained the last of his rum and coke. His gaze flickered to Raidou, and he saw a hint of a smile on his tired lips too. For a moment their eyes met, and Genma felt himself tumbling through a myriad of emotions as the two of them shared something more than a knowing look at Gai’s enthusiasm. Genma had to look away sharply, berating himself for reading into something that wasn’t even there, but when he glanced back up and saw that Raidou’s mood had fallen even further he couldn’t help wondering. He’d seen the weariness plain as day, but the longing… He couldn’t tell if he was seeing it because it was there, or because he was so desperate to see it.

Gai was animatedly retelling the story of the break-in that occurred two nights ago, and, although he’d been part of the team sent as backup to apprehend the culprit, Genma tried to sit back and enjoy hearing it again. It was hard, though, when only half of his focus was on Gai.

“A stealthy foe of the utmost cunning! Youthful, tenacious, and resourceful!”

Genma tried not to stiffen, or give away any sign that he’d noticed Raidou looking over at him again. The back of his hand prickled and he fought the urge to shift as Raidou reached for the bottle of sake, pouring himself another cup with a weary, trembling hand.

“They caught whoever it was, right?” Aoba asked, clearly intrigued.

“Not ‘who’ but  _ ‘what _ ’,” Gai corrected in a loud, dramatic whisper. Beside him, Ebisu chuckled and pushed his glasses further up his nose. “This opponent was a beast! It took out two ninja in its desperate bid to escape, fuelled by ferocious desperation and a—”

“It was a cat,” Kakashi cut in dryly, horrifying Gai and causing Ebisu to give a cough of laughter.

“You’re kidding?” Aoba frowned.

“Kakashi!” Gai shouted in disbelief. “My eternal rival! You would sabotage me so?”

“It was seriously a cat?”

Ebisu was nudging Genma in the ribs, still chuckling to himself, and although Genma caught on to the fact that a challenge was no doubt about to be issued, resolving their bet, his focus was still on Raidou. A raised eyebrow was all it took for him to answer with a nod, confirming the story, and Raidou looked back down at the table, a smile gracing his lips. The urge to move to Raidou’s side and share every ridiculous detail of that night was hard to suppress, and Genma took a strong pull of his drink, letting the sensation ice cold soda cascading down his throat distract him.

“The damage done would make that Naruto brat proud,” Ebisu declared over the hubbub that had risen, and Genma turned to stare at him just as Kakashi paused mid-sentence to defend his student.

“Maa, no need to be so unfair, Ebisu. I seem to remember Konohamaru being the same.”

“That’s cheating,” Genma hissed under his breath.

“So what happened?” Aoba asked, leaning forward to speak to Genma.

Trying to tune out the sound of Kakashi and Ebisu competing to see who could recount the worst tale about the other’s student while Gai made horrified sounds of disbelief, Genma gave a dry laugh.

“I was called in as backup.”

“No! Seriously?”

“Seriously,” he nodded, unable to miss the way Raidou leant forward too as he started to tell the story.

 

What Genma had initially dismissed as his own wishful thinking quickly became an inescapable truth. He kept catching Raidou watching him, looking at him with a sad, wistful expression, his eyes that darting away the moment he realised Genma had noticed his attention. When Genma pretended to be focused on someone else he could feel Raidou’s gaze on him, and he couldn’t help wondering why. A casual turn of his head was all it took for Raidou’s eyes to fall to the empty cup of sake before him. He didn’t seem interested in drinking. He didn’t seem interested in talking either. The only thing Genma could guess that Raidou wanted was his company, and yet Raidou made no attempt to reach out to him.

It became almost unbearable. With each passing minute it became harder and harder to breathe. Genma longed for Raidou to open up and reach out to him, but the other man kept his distance. He barely engaged in conversation, giving dry huffs of laughter and small nods in the right places, but nothing more. The others couldn’t have failed to notice that something was amiss, yet they politely ignored it. Frustration rose within Genma, although he couldn’t decide what bothered him more: everyone’s inaction, including his own ambivalence, or Raidou’s reluctance to reach out or say something. Genma was by now certain that Raidou wanted his company, and his alone, and yet the other man did nothing to extricate himself from the group or address him directly, as if something was holding him back. Genma couldn’t understand what it was, and it hurt; since when had his best friend felt that he couldn’t approach him?

The mission they’d shared replayed in his mind, the moments between them flitting across his memory. Had he done something wrong? Had he inadvertently pushed Raidou away, or made him feel unwanted or unwelcome? If anything, Genma thought he’d been too forward, too honest in his actions, but if that was the case… Did Raidou simply want a friend, and no longer felt that he could approach Genma without having to give more than he wanted to?

And then Genma managed to catch Raidou’s gaze. For some reason Raidou didn’t look away this time, and as their eyes met Genma completely faltered. He lost track of the conversation his friends were currently holding, the response he’d been about to give disappearing into nothingness. All that existed for him in that moment was Raidou, and the pleading way he looked at Genma.

And then Raidou’s gaze fell again, his body shifting as he started to stand, having stolen the ability to move from Genma. “Sorry guys,” he murmured, before straightening up and digging around in his pocket for some change. “I need to head home.”

Genma couldn’t help staring at him as the others around the table reacted more normally.

“Don’t worry about it,” Kakashi said dismissively.

“Drink’s paid for, no need to worry about it,” Ebisu reassured him, while Gai flung his arms dramatically into the air, only just missing Kakashi’s ear.

“May a night of rest restore your youthful spirit!” he spouted, sounding far too full of spirits himself. Genma barely noticed. He saw the casual nod Aoba offered Raidou, and found his throat closing, words refusing to form, as Raidou turned and walked away.

Only the quietest of whispers in Genma’s head reminded him that he was no doubt being watched, but as he stared at Raidou’s back he couldn’t hear anything over the blood rushing through his veins. The world tilted horribly as he watched Raidou walk away, and he felt powerless to stop him.

And then he understood.

“Shit,” he hissed, jerking to his feet. “Forfeit!”

Aoba and Ebisu were doing a terrible job of not staring at him as he fumbled in his pocket for his wallet, pulling out a note that would cover his and Ebisu’s tab. He felt their gaze on him and caught Kakashi’s raised eyebrow out the corner of his eye, as well as Gai’s sympathetic expression. “You had a bet going!” Gai accused, his voice loud enough to draw Ebisu’s guilty attention. Genma, grateful for Gai’s tact, used the opportunity to dart after Raidou, hoping it wasn’t too late, and that his own foolishness hadn’t ruined whatever chance he might have had.

He caught up with Raidou just as the other man was about to push through the door. “Raidou!” he pleaded, more breathless than he ought to be after such a short dash.

At the sound of his voice, Raidou turned, and Genma felt the world tilt again. All the worry and concern – the longing – he could see in Raidou’s gaze flickered and faltered as he processed Genma’s presence, and then fell away completely to reveal something a little less frightening: disbelief.

“Let me walk home with you,” Genma offered. The fear that Raidou would walk away again left him paralysed, his heart in his mouth as he stood, unable to breathe, waiting for Raidou’s response. 

“I don’t need pity,” Raidou said softly, starting to turn away.

The need to stop him compelled Genma to reach out, his hand around Raidou’s forearm. “That’s not what I’m offering,” he managed, his voice tight. They stood there, frozen on the spot, watching each other for several long, searching moments. Genma had no idea what emotions might be playing across his face as he gazed at Raidou, but the other man seemed breathless, almost afraid. The way he looked at Genma betrayed something vulnerable; something Genma wasn’t even sure he was supposed to witness. He couldn’t put a name to it, and was afraid to even try.

“Please?” he breathed, half realising that they were obstructing the doorway. He tightened his grip on Raidou’s arm a fraction, and Raidou seemed to break from some sort of trance at the change in pressure.

“Right,” he mumbled, stepping back abruptly and holding the door open for Genma. Genma let go, following as a dizzying rush hit him. He couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips, relief coursing through his veins, and Raidou glanced at him, frowning. “How much have you had to drink?”

“Hardly anything,” Genma reassured him, his face back to neutral as he shoved his hands into his pockets to avoid reaching out again. “I’m glad you’re back.”

Raidou responded with a heavy sigh. “It’s good to be back,” he said, but his words were flat and weary.

“Tough mission?” Genma couldn’t help asking.

Raidou stiffened, his voice just as rigid. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Genma understood, and knew it would be tactful to drop the topic, but he couldn’t help remembering the way Raidou been looking at him. He glanced at the man beside him, his chest tight as he tried to pluck up the courage to speak again. There was so much could go wrong, and yet, when he thought back to that post-mission shower, he was sure he now understood the awkward distance that had sprung up between them: he had been the one to leave. He had been the one to pull away – and then to walk away – when he’d noticed Raidou’s unease. Even if Raidou had wanted to reach out to him, Genma had closed that door.

“Do you want me to help you forget about it?” he offered, looking at his feet and kicking a stone along the pavement.

“I…” Raidou paused, stopping in the middle of the deserted street. He clearly changed his mind about what he wanted to say. “I don’t want you to feel obliged…”

“I don’t,” Genma said simply, looking up and meeting Raidou’s gaze evenly. The streetlights cast his face in shadow, the twisted scars more pronounced and his mouth drawn into a tense, unhappy line. Genma longed to lean in and kiss him, chasing the darkness away, but knew he had to find words instead. “I like spending time with you, Rai. If you need company, if you need something more…” He broke off for a moment, his heart racing as he thought about what he was about to say. “We’re friends, I know, but I enjoyed last time. I’d be up for doing it again.”

Raidou stared at him for a moment, seemingly in disbelief, before he found his voice. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Genma echoed, trying not to let his voice tremble as he went out on a shaky limb. He tongued the senbon to the other side of his mouth, waiting nervously for Raidou’s rejection. Now that he’d said it, he realised how desperate he must sound, and how transparent he must seem. There was no way Raidou wouldn’t see right through him.

Raidou looked away, his face being concealed entirely by shadow, and then, to Genma’s surprise, agreed: “Okay then.”

Barely able to believe his ears, it took Genma a moment to realise that he was supposed to follow when Raidou started walking again. He took two running steps to catch up, and he fell in step beside the other man, looking over at him with a disbelieving smile.

“I’m not racing you again,” Raidou warned, as if he thought Genma might reissue the challenge. 

Genma’s smile dissipated as he took in Raidou’s weariness and remembered the tired looks from the bar. “I’m sorry you had such a tough mission.”

“Me too,” Raidou whispered, more to himself than to Genma.

Weaving a little closer, Genma let his shoulder brush against Raidou’s in a gentle nudge. “Should go to the onsen, recover yourself there.”

“It’s closed, Gen.”

“I know,” Genma shrugged, relieved that Raidou hadn’t moved away. If anything, Raidou walked a little closer, and if Genma’s hands weren’t still in his pockets he’d be tempted to reach out and take Raidou’s hand. He wondered what kind of a reaction such a forward gesture would cause. “Just an idea. Maybe some other time.”

“Only if you’re paying,” Raidou said, in a semblance of a joke. Genma didn’t respond, though, too busy trying not to think about just how much he’d like that, and how he’d pay for a whole weekend at a ryokan if Raidou was willing. The thought of a private room away from the village, and of warm, healing water and of soft, scarred skin bared for him to worship at his leisure left his heart racing, and he swallowed thickly, his pace faltering.

“‘Hardly anything’” Raidou muttered, sounding almost fond as his arm came up to steady Genma. Despite not needing the support Genma allowed it, tucking himself closer against Raidou’s side.

“A cup of sake and a rum and coke,” Genma corrected.

“When did you become such a lightweight?”

“When did you become such a mother hen?”

Raidou stiffened a little at his words, and Genma berated himself for teasing the other man. Cautiously, he pulled his hand from his pocket and slid his arm around Raidou’s waist, figuring that to anyone who happened to be watching they’d just look like two drunk friends helping each other home. Raidou tensed for a brief moment and then, to Genma’s immense relief, relaxed.

“I like that you care,” Genma said earnestly, wondering if he’d ever be able to put into words just what Raidou’s friendship meant to him – no doubt more than his friendship meant to Raidou. But that was okay, he told himself. As long as he had this, moments of understanding and companionship between them, he felt like he could survive anything. A physical relationship between them wasn’t likely to last, but Genma would take whatever he could get.

And, right now, he wasn’t sure what exactly that was, but it was more than he’d had an hour ago. “Come on,” he urged, attempting to sound lighthearted, “so I can welcome you back properly.”

He heard the hitch in Raidou’s breath, took it as a good sign, and leant in even closer as they neared Raidou’s flat. Genma felt the familiar fabric of Raidou’s jumper against his jaw, and could smell the delicate fragrance of the fabric softener Raidou favoured. He remembered the way he’d curled up in that exact same jumper three weeks ago, knowing he should change and do his utmost to forget what had happened but finding himself completely unable to do so.

“And what exactly does a Shiranui Genma ‘welcome back’ entail?” Raidou asked, a strange edge to his voice. Genma dismissed it as fatigue, or perhaps excitement.

“Whatever is required,” he decided, relieved to see they had at last reached the door. He untangled himself from Raidou and leant against the wall, watching Raidou with a lazy, playful grin as the door was unlocked.

Raidou’s expression tightened, as if he was uneasy, and Genma flicked his tongue over the end of the senbon, trying to work out what it meant. He followed Raidou over the threshold, and as soon as the door shut behind them he found he couldn’t keep from speaking.

“I’m sorry, Raidou,” he started, taking a step towards Raidou and finding advance was allowed, perhaps because Raidou was clearly alarmed by his words. With a hand coming up to gently trace Raidou’s unmarred cheek, carefully watching for discomfort and finding none, Genma explained himself. “I should apologise for leaving so abruptly the other week. I thought you didn’t want me around. I thought it would be best if I gave you space. I didn’t realise…”

Raidou looked startled, perhaps even frightened. His pulse beat frantically beneath his skin, just visible above the high collar of his jumper. “Didn’t realise?”

“I’m okay with casual sex,” Genma lied, keeping his tone and his gaze even. “If you ever want, or if you ever need…” He twisted the senbon with his tongue, eyes flickering down for a moment as he drew the next words forth. “I’m up for it, no strings attached.”

Raidou shuddered, eyelids fluttering closed, and Genma felt a rush of power as he realised that the reaction was for him.

“Genma…” Raidou breathed, his voice full of longing.

At last removing the senbon from between his lips, Genma leant in, pulse skittering as he felt Raidou’s hand come up to grasp at his arm, as if Raidou were steadying himself. He slowly brought his lips to Raidou’s ear, whispering a plea: “Tell me what you need.”

Raidou didn’t speak. He didn’t seem to possess the words. Instead, he brought his hands up to tug at Genma’s hair, and showed him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I'm late with this update. I've had a pretty rough day, and it's only thanks to my beta & cheerreader Kali that I managed to get it done at all. The fic hasn't gone through it's usual level of re-reading and tweaking, so apologies for any errors that slipped through.

The way Raidou kissed, the desperation in his touch, scattered Genma’s thoughts. His breath hitched in surprise, catching in the back of his throat when Raidou’s lips closed over his, and then he surrendered to the moment, moaning in relief and holding on tightly with both hands, refusing to let go. Tender memories of the last time they’d stood here in Raidou’s hallway came to him, and the tremor that rippled through his body was from more than just the wholehearted way Raidou kissed. He pressed against Raidou, lax with relief as the kiss deepened, and found his fingers fisted in the front of the jumper Raidou wore, one hand still curled around the senbon. Raidou’s fingers were bumping his hitai-ate as the other man tried to pull him closer still, and Genma couldn’t help the second moan that escaped as their feet shuffled just enough to allow their hips to grind together. 

The kiss broke, Raidou panting just as heavily as Genma and pressing hungry little kisses to his parted lips. His thumbs stroked over Genma’s hair and the fabric of his hitai-ate, strong hands holding him close as if he feared Genma would pull away.

“I want you,” Raidou murmured, trying to hide the confession between hurried kisses.

Genma heard it though. He heard the longing and the need in Raidou’s voice, felt it in his touch, and knew that in that moment it was undeniably real. It didn’t matter how or why it was happening, or that it would be over soon. He didn’t care. Raidou could have him, all of him.

His senbon-free hand coming up to caress Raidou’s cheek, twisted skin striking beneath his fingers, Genma pulled away from the distracting kisses. “You’ve got me.”

He couldn’t miss the way Raidou trembled, half allowing Genma to pull him back into a kiss, half demanding it himself. They met in a rush of uncoordinated breath and desperation, swaying with each exchange of domination and holding tightly to each other until Raidou fell back a step, Genma following and lamenting the loss of Raidou’s lips on his own.

“Bedroom,” Raidou demanded, his voice barely more than a strained whisper. 

Usually Genma would say something. Usually he’d smirk, or joke, or find at least two words to string together. Usually he’d do more than just nod, struck dumb by the gravity of the situation, but it wasn’t every day Namiashi Raidou invited him into his bedroom after kissing him like his very existence depended on it. Maybe it did. Maybe, after the mission, Raidou needed something to cling onto to remind himself that he was real, or to help him find his way back home. Genma didn’t know what Raidou needed, but he would give it without question.

Raidou’s hand came up to cover his own, gently pulling it away and lacing their fingers together. Genma stared, wide-eyed, at Raidou, his heart hammering loudly in his chest and their breath mingling in close space between them. There was a flicker of uncertainty in Raidou’s gaze, his dark eyes a sea of eagerness and longing, which Genma tried to ease with a brief squeeze of the hand holding his, and then Raidou took half a step back, letting go so they could tug off their footwear. It was hard to remember neatness in his haste, and Genma nudged his shoes into the vaguest semblance of order with his toes before Raidou offered his hand again. Gratefully taking it, and sliding his fingers between Raidou’s almost imperceptibly trembling ones, Genma found himself being led down the hallway and into the one room he had never been before.

Raidou’s bedroom was cooler than the rest of his home, the light that was flicked on softer and the dark covers tucked neatly over the inviting semi-double bed. The subtle scent of laundry powder, sleep, and something intrinsically Raidou clung to the air, and Genma wanted to disappear into it.

They’d barely made it two steps into the room before Raidou stopped and turned to him, gaze downcast as his other hand found its way back into Genma’s hair, holding him steady as their foreheads touched. Through the fabric of his hitai-ate, Genma could feel the cool, hard press of metal, and longed to tilt his chin and kiss Raidou.

“Is this okay?” Raidou breathed, sounding afraid to ask.

Genma gave a warm hum of assent in answer, letting go of Raidou’s hand to mirror Raidou’s touch as his other slid around Raidou’s waist, senbon lightly balanced between two fingers. He felt Raidou’s hand come to rest on his waist, fingers loosely curling in the fabric of his top.

“More than okay,” he murmured, wondering if the newness of this was getting to Raidou the way it was to him. Although most people had no qualms in allowing others into their bedroom, Genma knew Raidou wasn’t like that. The man valued privacy, and Genma was only there because Raidou wanted him there. As much as he wanted it to last, he knew it was likely to be a one-time deal, and he had no intention of wasting it.

Tilting his jaw, Genma tried for a kiss, feeling his nose bump against the uneven skin of Raidou’s scar. Raidou shivered, his hands tightening their grip, and then seemed to accept Genma’s words. With a soft sigh, his lips met Genma’s again, their bodies pressing together and strong, determined hands holding them there. With a quick, subtle movement, Genma pushed the senbon into his own pocket, freeing his hand to slip unhindered beneath the hem of Raidou’s jumper. 

The thin t-shirt worn beneath did little to insulate the warmth radiating from Raidou’s body, and as they shifted Genma could feel the muscles of Raidou’s lower back tensing and relaxing beneath his touch, almost as mesmerising as the mouth against his own. His eyelids fluttered open the merest of cracks, filling his vision with the sight of dark eyelashes and twisted skin, and he moaned into the kiss, something in his chest shifting and swelling as he tried to process what was happening.

Raidou’s hand mirrored Genma’s, slipping beneath both layers to graze over skin, and the fingers twisted into Genma’s hair and threatening to push his hitai-ate off loosened, finding their way down to where Raidou was already tugging Genma’s clothing higher. Cool air kissed his skin, and Genma broke away to allow the garments to be tugged off without ceremony, exposing him to Raidou’s gaze.

Raidou seemed to falter, his focus drawn to Genma’s chest as his own rose and fell rapidly. Dropping Genma’s tops, Raidou reached out, his fingers grazing over a scar just above Genma’s left pectoral, smoothing over the tight skin with a careful, almost reverent touch. Genma wondered if Raidou remembered how he got it; he would certainly never forget.

And then the touch was gone, Raidou’s hand sliding up and curling over Genma’s shoulder, following the curve of his neck until he was pulling Genma close again, tugging his hitai-ate off for good this time. Fingers splayed against the small of his back, grazing over another old scar, and Genma heard Raidou give a soft noise, akin to a whimper, as he caressed the mark. 

It had to be his imagination, but to Genma the kiss felt bittersweet, full of tenderness and longing. He couldn’t help echoing those feelings, pouring everything of himself into the touch and wondering if Raidou could tell he wanted so much more than just a one-time, casual after-mission tryst. It was dangerous, and to allow Raidou to realise the true extent of his feeling would cost Genma much more than he could bear to lose, but at the same time he couldn’t help the honest reactions he gave to Raidou’s touch, or the barely concealed pleading in the way he tugged at Raidou’s clothes.

Raidou took the hint, and with graceful fluidity helped Genma remove the encumbering tops, hitai-ate falling with them, his torso twisting and then pressing flush against Genma’s as they both took the opportunity to explore the new skin revealed to them. Genma’s lips fell to worship the smooth skin of Raidou’s neck as his hand ran over a warm back littered with scars, counting, cataloguing and remembering each of them as Raidou did the same. Teeth closed around a wonderfully sensitive spot on Genma’s neck, making him gasp and arch back, trying to give Raidou room to continue, but he found the contact gone as quickly as it came.

“Sorry, I...” Raidou started, kissing the spot instead.

Barely able to gather his thoughts, Genma threaded his fingers through Raidou’s hair, tugging encouragingly. “Mark me, it’s okay,” he managed, breathless at the thought of it.

Raidou insisted on pulling back, his fingers coming up to touch the spot. Genma felt almost rough work-worn fingertips caressing the damp skin, and failed to suppress a shiver as he watched Raidou deliberating, his cheeks flushed and gaze fixed on Genma’s neck.

“My uniform will cover it,” he promised, desperate to ease whatever it was that was causing Raidou’s hesitance so that he could feel that mouth on his skin again. His fingers stroked over Raidou’s toned shoulder as he tried to reassure him. “No one will ever know.”

He hadn’t expected Raidou to still completely at his words, even if it was just for the briefest of moments. Momentarily afraid that he’d said the wrong thing, Genma sighed in relief when Raidou leant back in, lips tickling his skin as he spoke: “I know.”

The gladness he felt at having Raidou’s focus where he wanted it, and strong hips grinding against his own, dulled the wrongness he could sense in Raidou’s words. He pushed what he decided he’d misheard aside, focusing instead on the feeling of Raidou’s mouth against the sensitive skin of his neck, promising the kind of acute pleasure that Genma knew would cascade through his whole body.

Only, Raidou he didn’t mark him. He kissed and kissed and kissed the skin beneath his lips, leaving a trail of gentle touches up the column of Genma’s neck, along his jaw, over his cheek and back to his parted lips, but he didn’t bite down. He did nothing that would leave a mark. Genma’s heart twisted, his eyes screwing shut as he tried not to feel cheated. A flutter of desperation rose within him and, having no idea what else to do with it, he pressed against Raidou, pulling the other man to him in the hope that his silent plea would be understood.

He barely realised that Raidou had turned and guided them the few steps to the bed until he felt the frame against the back of his legs, distracting him from the loss he felt. His heart redoubled its effort to escape his chest, beating wildly against his ribcage as he allowed himself to be carried by the flow of movement. He sank down, finding Raidou moving with him and pinning him with his weight, the friction caused by Genma wriggling further onto the bed leaving them both faltering and groaning into the kiss, if it could even be called that anymore. Open-mouthed touches, more shared breath than anything else, did nothing to help the dizzying longing Genma felt, and he curled up off of the bed, pushing at the waistband of Raidou’s trousers in frustration.

“Off,” he demanded, relieved when Raidou created enough space between them for Genma’s hands to fumble with some success at the fastenings. As he worked he notice the angry bruise showing at the top of Raidou’s hip – the injury he’d noticed when Raidou first came into the bar – and he bit his lip to keep from saying or asking something stupid. Instead, he freed Raidou of the remaining garments, biting his lip even harder when Raidou’s thick, swollen cock fell free of his underwear. Adamant fingers were trying to undo his own clothing, although with one hand propping his weight up Raidou could only go so fast. As his feet helped to kick Raidou’s trousers and underwear off, Genma’s found his hands shaking as he helped finally unbuckle his own belt, arching his hips off the bed to allow everything to be pulled lower in a rushed, barely coordinated tug. The head of his cock kissed Raidou’s, a jolt tearing through his body at the whisper of contact, and Genma fell back to the bed panting, legs working gracelessly to free him from the last of his clothing.

“Fuck,” Raidou murmured, the curse strange and wonderful on his lips as he brought his weight back down to pin Genma beneath him. Their hips rolled together, the friction in the tight space between their bodies far better than Genma remembered. The angle changed just a fraction as he brought his knee up to yank his jeans off, and he gave a broken whimper as he hooked his leg around Raidou’s thigh, mindful of the vivid bruise. Raidou was kissing his neck again, one arm pushed beneath Genma’s body and curled around his shoulder to give Raidou leverage. He rocked forwards, his whole body shuddering with relief, and if it weren’t too soon Genma would think Raidou had come.

His fingers played with Raidou’s hair and his other hand skimmed down over rippling muscles, grasping at Raidou’s ass. Not having realised that he’d closed his eyes and tilted his head back, lost in the sensation of Raidou above him and the soft bedcovers beneath, Genma smiled to himself, the expression broken by a gasp as Raidou rolled his hips again.

“You like frotting, don’t you?” he asked fondly, turning his head and finding soft, green tea scented hair against his lips.

“Frotting?”

With a deliberate rock of his hips, Genma answered Raidou’s question, leaving the man above him gasping: “This.”

“Of course,” was Raidou’s simple answer once he’d caught his breath enough to speak again. He pulled back just enough to press a kiss to Genma’s lips. “You feel good.”

Undone by the simple compliment, Genma faltered, flushing as he tried to form words.. “Imagine how good it’ll feel to be inside me.”

He was completely unprepared for the way Raidou reacted, his body stilling completely as he gazed down at Genma, eyes wide with amazement and longing. Genma could feel the strong pulse of arousal that caused Raidou’s cock to twitched against his own, and fought back the strange urge to hide his face after his forwardness. He could feel that Raidou wanted him; he could see it in the way Raidou gazed at him, pulse skittering and breath coming in short, shallow gasps.

“Gen—” Raidou started, before thinking better of his decision to speak and deciding to kiss Genma instead. The graceless, hungry kiss was everything Genma wanted and needed, and he responded wholeheartedly, moaning wantonly, his arms encircling Raidou and legs twisting around his thighs. They rocked together, finding an almost feverish pace until Genma couldn’t stand it any more. Taking advantage of the fact Raidou was distracted, he rolled sharply, flipping them, and as he slid on top of Raidou, untangling his legs from the other man’s, he pulled away from the kiss.

“Where’s the lube?”

“Wh—?” Raidou started, chasing after a kiss which Genma was as desperate for. “Haven’t got any.”

They were kissing again before the words registered, and Genma groaned in frustration, scowling and kissing and toying with Raidou’s hair. He couldn’t help letting his disappointment show as he moved back a fraction, his skin prickling with a fine sheen of sweat from exertion, Raidou’s just as bad.

“None whatsoever?”

“No. I didn’t think I’d need any.”

Genma filed the confession away for later, instead focusing on the immediate problem. He gave a slow, deliberate roll of his hip, his heart rate refusing to settle as he considered the man below him and the alternatives.

“I…” he started, hesitating as he met Raidou’s gaze. He tried to keep his voice even in an attempt to conceal just how desperate he was for Raidou to agree. “I could blow you.”

Raidou’s eyes went wide for a moment before they slid shut, a deep moan rising in his throat and a blush staining his unmarred skin. The hand resting against Genma’s waist trembled, fighting not to dig in, and Genma could read the answer clear as day.

“You don’t have to.”

Genma wasn’t sure if the restraint was endearing or frustrating, and rocked his hips again, longing to hear the answer Raidou wanted to give.

“Want to,” he murmured, leaning in to kiss Raidou as he kept shifting, feeling the hot, hard press of Raidou’s cock against his own. “Let me take care of you.”

The fingers digging into his hip tightened even further, and Genma felt the last of Raidou’s restraint slipping. “That’s not fair,” Raidou huffed, his breath rushing over Genma’s cheek.

“I say it is,” Genma interjected.

“Gen, please,” Raidou tried to argue, losing focus and rocking up against Genma. He leant up, capturing Genma’s lips in a sweet, pleading kiss that made Genma forget all about the negotiation. When Raidou pulled away again he tried to gaze up at Genma evenly, his hand tucking a long strand of hair behind Genma’s ear, but the effect was somewhat ruined by the slow, steady pace of their hips that refused to falter and caused Raidou to shudder. “I can’t reciprocate: not that. It’s too…”

Genma forced back disappointment, trying not to wonder why exactly Raidou would have a problem taking his cock in his mouth.

“Can I give you a handjob though?” Raidou asked, flushing as he clearly struggling with the awkward offer. 

The pleading look Raidou gave him cause Genma to falter, the simple request hitting him squarely in the chest. His cock twitched in interest, but it was the way Raidou hung on his every move, longing for his answer, that got to Genma. It might not be much in the grand scheme of things, or quite the same as feeling Raidou’s clearly talented mouth around his cock, but it was  _ something _ , and Genma was would take whatever Raidou was willing to give.

He hadn’t even realised they’d stopped moving. Exhaling unsteadily, Genma nodded. “Yeah,” he agreed, his whole body warming as he saw Raidou’s look of relief. “Me first, though.”

Before he could shift, Raidou tugged him down for a bruising kiss, dominating it at first and then relinquishing control. At the subtle shift in power Genma felt a rush of dizziness, and he was caught between savouring the kiss and rushing to taste every inch of Raidou’s body. For a moment the kiss won, until a twitch of movement between their bodies drew his attention and he couldn’t resist any longer. He kissed Raidou’s neck, wishing he’d asked if it was okay to mark him, and then slid lower, feeling the dampness gathered at the head of Raidou’s cock smear against his stomach as kissed just below Raidou’s clavicle. He nuzzled against heated skin, drinking in the warm scent of it, before shifting again, this time focusing on a scar so old it had started to fade, and then the dusky skin of a nipple, the outline of muscles, another scar...

Genma would be content to spend a lifetime worshipping Raidou’s body, and it was hard enough to move lower without Raidou’s reactions making it even more challenging. Raidou tensed and gasped with each new kiss and gentle bite to his body, arching into the touches and tangling his fingers in Genma’s hair, laughing softly when Genma’s lips tickled too lightly over his ribs. His thighs parted at the merest touch from Genma’s hand, accommodating him, and as Genma avoided touching Raidou’s heavy cock, instead pressing a kiss to his sack and savouring the scent of arousal and recently washed skin, Raidou gave a groan of frustration, shifting impatiently.

The reaction when Genma finally wrapped his hand around Raidou’s cock, bringing it up so that he could wrap his lips around the head, was worth every moment of restraint. Raidou’s entire body went tense, the breath leaving him in a curse, and his cock pulsed against Genma’s tongue.

“Fuck!” Raidou hissed, swearing for the second time that evening and making Genma wonder just how many more times he could reduce Raidou to that one word. He could taste the salty tang of precome on his tongue, and as he licked over the sensitive head, Raidou groaned and shuddered beneath him, fingers painfully tight in Genma’s hair. “Genma…”

Glancing up over the astonishing beautiful body beneath him, Genma saw that Raidou wasn’t even looking. His head was thrown back, the scar tissue on his neck drawn tight and muscles corded with tension. He seemed about to break, and as he stroked his hand lower around Raidou’s cock, taking more of him into his mouth and sucking at the same time as his tongue teased the underside, Genma wondered how it was possible for Raidou to be so close already. He moved slowly, every action deliberate and teasing, gaze fixed on Raidou until the other man looked down and gave a short, sharp gasp at the sight that greeted him. Only then, when he knew he had Raidou’s complete attention, did Genma close his eyes and shift, rising up just enough to make the angle a little easier. It wasn’t enough to swallow Raidou completely, but he took him to the back of his throat, his hand covering what he couldn’t reach, and gave a low, appreciative hum at the feeling of a hot, heavy cock resting against his tongue, his own twitching in response. If he thought too closely about the fact that it was Raidou’s cock in his mouth, Genma knew he’d lose all capacity to function. Instead he broke it down into smaller details: the strong pulse he could feel against his tongue as he pulled off, the thick taste of precome lingering at the back of his throat, the fingers reverently stroking his hair, tugging with aimless intent, and the ardent sounds his partner was making.

Fingers closing carefully around Raidou’s balls, Genma felt how close they were to his body. He gently tried to coax them lower, pressing a kiss to the flushed tip of Raidou’s cock as he did.

“Do you want to finish in my mouth?” he offered, looking up at Raidou as he spoke.

This time Raidou didn’t even bother trying to argue. He looked wrecked, his flushed chest rising and falling rapidly, and his abdominals tensing with every tender touch and stroke of Genma’s hand. He nodded, pushing Genma’s hair back from his face as he watched him with a warm, openly affectionate gaze. “Yes.”

Genma would suck Raidou’s cock every day for the rest of his life if Raidou would only look at him like that again.

Raidou was clearly too on edge to last as long as Genma wanted. He took Raidou back in his mouth, setting as slow a pace as he could without being cruel, and this time kept his gaze on the other man. He watched the reactions play across Raidou’s face as he sucked and teased, switching between using both his hand and his mouth and using just his mouth. It was easy to tell that Raidou enjoyed the fat, wet strokes of his tongue around the corona, but when Genma sealed his lips around Raidou’s cock and sucked, tongue teasing his frenulum at the same time, Raidou seemed to break apart. He scrabbled for purchase, fighting to stay in control, and pushed rather than pulled at Genma.

“Close,” he panted in needless warning. Genma pulled off all the same, humming warmly and pressing open-mouthed kisses to the underside of Raidou’s cock. The man above him groaned, fidgeting with Genma’s hair as he apologised. “Sorry.”

Genma turned his head to the side, leaving a wet, reassuring kiss on the inside of Raidou’s wrist before the other man could even react. “I don’t mind.”

All he got was a soft hum in response, and after another few seconds he pressed another kiss to Raidou’s cock before he took him in his mouth again, lightly licking and sucking to try and gauge whether Raidou would want him to stop again or not. No protest came, only a series of gasps and barely restrained moans, and it was obvious that Raidou wasn’t going to last much longer. Admiring the play of tension building in his body, Genma met Raidou’s gaze, not wanting to miss a moment as he repeated the action that had brought Raidou so close barely moments before.

This time, Raidou didn’t fight it. He gave in, allowing the tension to crescendo and his orgasm to tear through him, spilling into Genma’s mouth in a quick succession of warm, bitter pulses. His fingers stayed carefully wound in Genma’s hair as his body shuddered and he gasped his release, hips giving the smallest of thrusts as he lost control. Genma couldn’t help moaning, shifting his hips to try and find relief as he coaxed every last ounce of pleasure from Raidou, swallowing without a second thought and sucking gently until Raidou gave a tired shudder, clearly reaching the point of oversensitivity.

Relinquishing Raidou’s cock and letting it fall wetly against his stomach, Genma started to move back up over Raidou’s flushed, trembling body, holding himself just clear of the other man. Fingers played lazily with his hair as he drew almost level, his cock grazing against Raidou’s, and a warm, contented gaze followed his movements, dipping to his mouth for a moment. Raidou’s eyes almost immediately widened in surprise, his breath catching sharply as he stared up at Genma.

“You swallowed.”

Unsure what to do with Raidou’s astonishment, Genma was caught off-balance. His mind scrambled helplessly for the correct response, leaving him open and vulnerable to Raidou’s next move.

Given Raidou’s previous reluctance to go down on him, the very last thing Genma expected was to be pulled into a demanding, open-mouthed kiss. He gave a soft cry of surprise, buckling against Raidou and taking a full two seconds to process what was happening before he managed to kiss back. Alarm gave way to disbelieving pleasure, and he refused to question it any further as Raidou moaned into the kiss, tasting himself on Genma’s tongue. There weren’t the words to describe how it felt anyway.

For a moment Genma wondered if Raidou had changed his mind and would return the favour. He couldn’t even begin to imagine how it would feel to have Raidou’s mouth around his cock, and he shivered, his hips shifting of their own volition at the thought. Raidou gave an echoing shudder, overstimulated, and then slid his hand between their bodies, his fingers curling around Genma’s cock and giving him something to thrust into. Genma faltered at the touch, whimpering as Raidou twisted his hand ever so slightly, turning the simple into the extraordinary.

With one last stroke of Genma’s hair, Raidou moved his hand to Genma’s shoulder, pushing gently and breaking the kiss. Genma moved, biting his lips and fighting to catch his breath as he followed the softly spoken directive: “Up.”

Propping himself up on shaky arms, Genma’s eyes fell shut as Raidou took advantage of the new position, his hand stroking and twisting around Genma’s cock while the other traced over his ribs, leaving Genma flushed and trembling with the effort of not collapsing back down on top of Raidou. He was acutely aware of Raidou’s proximity, the other man’s warm, naked body just inches from his own heightening every touch and stroke of Raidou’s hands, and he barely had the breath to moan. Mindful of Raidou’s injury, Genma tried to shift his knee to find better purchase, and in doing so found himself distracted by the sight of Raidou’s hands against his skin, almost rough fingers playing over taut muscles and teasing his cock with mind-shattering deliberacy. That other hand moved higher, tracing a line over Genma’s sternum and pectoral, until clever fingers circled the bud of his nipple and gave a teasing pinch that left Genma on the verge of collapsing. White hot pleasure tore through his body, pooling low in his stomach, and his cock gave an answering throb that only worsened the ache Raidou’s hand had started to relieve.

“Fuck,” he breathed, drawing his attention up to Raidou’s face and finding himself even more compromised when their eyes met. The warmth and affection he’d seen there earlier was still apparent, and as Raidou kept stroking his cock, switching the angle and causing Genma’s eyelids to flutter closed in pleasure for a moment, he could tell that Raidou loved doing this; he was invested in every touch and stroke he gave Genma’s body, actively giving rather than merely reciprocating. Genma longed to kiss him, to lean in and press his lips to Raidou’s parted, kiss-reddened ones, but knew he wouldn’t have the strength to push himself back up again. Almost all of his strength deserted him as Raidou’s thumb teased over the head of his cock, and Genma trembled with the effort of holding himself in that position, grateful for the cool air kissing his prickling skin. His gaze shifted downwards again, and as he felt yet more pleasure building he watched and wondered if this was how Raidou touched himself, if this was how he brought himself off. The image that came to mind only served to push him that little bit closer to completion, and he gave a faltering moan, Raidou’s name slipping carelessly from his lips.

“Rai..” he pleaded, realising too late what he’d said. He closed his eyes, giving a whimper as he tried to work out how to take the sound back, biting his lip against any further blunder. He felt Raidou’s hand quicken in its pace, and the fingers teasing his nipple giving a series of deliberate twists, unrelenting in their suddenly onslaught of his senses. The torture of holding himself above Raidou only added to the desperation building within him, and his hands fisted into the sheets, his whole body trembling. “I— I’m…”

In answer Raidou surged upwards, his lips moving briefly against Genma’s before he fell back down, taking Genma’s words with him. Overwhelmed by all that was happening and unable to really process any of it, Genma relinquished the fragile semblance of control he had, his body shuddering once more before he stilled, white hot pleasure coursing through his veins and tugging a low groan of relief from his throat. He felt his cock pulse thickly in Raidou’s hand, come spilling from him as his body jerked, trembling again. He managed to weather the next two convulsions before his strength deserted him completely, and he collapsed in a flushed, sweaty heap, only just managing to land half on, half off of Raidou. He felt the warm, slick mess of come smearing between their bodies, and when the basal urge to rock his hips as the last shiver of orgasm left him passed, he rolled sideways with a groan, panting hard as his back met cool sheets.

“Fuck,” he sighed again, an aching arm coming up to try and push his hair from his brow. He felt the weight next to him shift, and fingers reached out to touch his chin, gentle in their plea. Still barely able to believe what had just happened, Genma allowed the touch to guide him, his racing heart skipping several beats. He barely noticed the smear of come that was left on his chin as Raidou stole his attention, jaw tilted in clear askance.

He didn’t think twice about it. He didn’t pause to reflect upon the fact that this wasn’t the sort of thing he’d ever shared with casual lovers, although he probably should have done. He and Raidou were friends, and this was just stress relief – nothing more – and yet, it felt natural to lean in and to press a tender kiss to Raidou’s lips, basking in the warm comfort of the afterglow just a minute longer.

The finger on his chin slid away, and as the touch faded so did the kiss. Genma pulled back, still breathless, and knew he was going to regret his actions. Warmth bubbled up within his chest, a new degree of affection taking root, and he wondered how he’d ever recover from it. Raidou’s gaze was steady and patient, and his lips turned up at the corners in a small, contented little smile. Whatever he’d been needing after the mission, Genma knew he’d found it.

And that meant that their temporary arrangement was over.

“Welcome back,” he said lamely, at a loss as to how to feel. His gaze flitting down over their prone figures, taking in the mess he’d made of Raidou’s handsome body; come glistened over his lower stomach and hip, smeared by Genma’s careless manoeuvring. “I’ll go get a cloth.”

“I’ve got tissues,” Raidou reassured him. “Unless you need to…”

Genma shook his head, focus now on the sliver of deep navy visible in the space between them. Raidou had clearly made the bed before leaving on his mission, although it was probably now dirtier than he would have liked, and the room smelled of sex and exertion.

They both sat up, and Genma took the tissues that were offered, wiping his skin clean and then balling them into his fist as he slid from the bed with instinctive ease. Circling around, he found Raidou’s hitai-ate first, and then his own trousers and underwear still tangled together. He picked them up and tried to shake them right way out.

“Are you that anxious to go?”

Raidou’s words shot through him, and Genma froze. Slowly, and unable to conceal his disbelief, he turned to Raidou.

“You’d want me to stay?”

“Of course,” Raidou said softly, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Oh,” was the best response Genma could find, his arms falling listlessly to his side.

“Only if you want to though,” Raidou added in a rush, drawing his knee across his body to hide himself a little from Genma’s gaze.

There wasn’t anything in the world Genma wanting more in that moment, although the memory of the post-coital kiss they’d shared tugged at his consciousness in warning. He hesitated, dithering a few more seconds without really thinking or reaching a conclusion, and then let his heart decide. His clothes fell from his hand as he took a step back towards the bed, posture relaxed as he surrendered to his choice. “Yeah, I can stay a while.”

Raidou gave a relieved smile, that tugged at Genma’s heart, and then held out the tissues he’d used. “The bin is over there,” he instructed.

Genma almost laughed at the change in tone. He took the tissues and threw the lot away before turning back to Raidou and finding that the other man has shifted to the furthest side of the bed, leaving space for Genma. It was hard to feign confidence when he felt so exposed, but Genma tried anyway.

“Clothes, or…?” he asked as he moved closer.

“Without,” Raidou decided, pushing the covers down a little so he could slip beneath them. Although the bed was a semi-double there wouldn’t be much space for two grown men of their size, and Genma wondered how forgiving Raidou would be of the way his body would inevitably react to having the object of his longing in such close proximity.

It took a moment for them to settle comfortably beneath the covers, facing each other. Genma’s head rested on a soft, freshly washed pillow, his hair pushed back to keep from getting in the way, and Raidou’s calf was hooked around his, the contact having startled Genma at first. Raidou was clearly relaxed though, his eyelids seeming heavy as he blinked.

“Thank you,” he murmured, sounding as if exhaustion was at last catching up with him. Genma wasn’t sure what the appropriate response was. “I needed that.”

As Raidou reached out to stroke his shoulder, Genma settled for what he hoped was a suitable answer. “I’m glad you came to me.”

Raidou hummed, his eyes staying closed for a few seconds. When he opened them, he gazed at Genma, his scars almost completely hidden by the pillow. He looked different like that, so much younger and somehow not himself. Genma missed the familiar twists and lines of the scar.

“It was a bad mission,” Raidou said quietly, and Genma knew just to listen. “Not the worst, but it was the kind of mission that makes you wish you had someone to come home to.”

Genma swallowed thickly, unable to nod even though he knew exactly what Raidou meant. He’d had his fair share of missions like that too; they didn’t always result in severe physical injury, but the toll they took on the mind and spirit often needed something a little more than rest and recuperation to heal – something nameless.

“Well I know it’s not the same,” Genma said gently, surprised to find his voice cracking. His heart beat that little bit faster as he continued, wondering if he was overstepping his bounds. “But you’ll always have me.”

Raidou’s eyes widened for a split second before he relaxed again, sinking even further into the pillow as his hand reached out to take Genma’s. “Thank you,” he said for the second time in as many minutes. “I’ll always be here for you too.”

Genma couldn’t bring himself to ruin it by reminding himself or Raidou that they were just friends. He allowed Raidou to lace their fingers together, idly stroking over the back of Raidou’s thumb. “Thanks,” he murmured, watching as Raidou gave a whisper of a smile, his eyes falling shut again.

“Gen?”

“Hm?”

“Could you get the light? I’m beat.”

“Sure,” he agreed, slipping from the bed again, and this time with far greater reluctance. The cool air of the bedroom hadn’t been so noticeable before, but after the comforting shared warmth, Genma felt it more keenly. Leaving the bedroom door open a fraction, he flicked the switch and padded back over to the bed.

As he slid in beside Raidou, his hand was almost immediately reclaimed. Raidou tugged at it, pulling Genma’s arm with him as he rolled over, stopping when he was on his side with Genma curled up close behind him, spooning him. Genma couldn’t believe the warmth radiating from the other man, and gave a slow, steady exhale as he tried not to allow the expanse of skin pressed flush against his chest to distract him. Thankfully Raidou seemed to be almost asleep, and wasn’t likely to notice.

“Go whenever you need to,” Raidou murmured, “’n’ help yourself to whatever’s in the cupboard.”

With a pang, Genma realised that he couldn’t stay, even though he wanted to and the offer had been extended. He nuzzled against the nape of Raidou’s neck, feeling the shorter hairs tickling his skin as he inhaled the welcoming scent of skin and shampoo.

“Yeah, I have work in the morning,” he apologised. “I’ll try not to wake you.”

The only response he got was a soft grunt, and a moment later he felt Raidou’s breathing even out as he sank into slumber. Genma could feel the enticing tug of exhaustion reaching for him too, but fought it off, determined to lie awake for just a few minutes longer. After all, who knew if he’d ever get to experience this again?

The hand still firmly holding his twitched, tightening for a moment. Genma wouldn’t pin his hopes on it or assume he’d get this lucky again, but the warm body contoured to fit against his own told him that maybe, if he was lucky enough, he’d get a chance to experience this again… 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is a short, optional epilogue, of sorts.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a short, unbeta'd little epiloge.

The sunlight was an unwelcome interruption to the dream he’d been having, and Genma frowned at it, turning away and tucking himself against the warm body he’d been sharing the unfamiliar bed with. He wasn’t ready to wake up, or to think too closely about the night before, although the lack of a hangover and the familiar scent of the pillows was oddly promising. If it weren’t for the firmness of the mattress or the angle that the daylight was streaming in at, he could believe he was at home.

He shifted, wrapping his arm around the other man, and determined to drift back to sleep. He had about another hour or so before he needed to get up anyway… 

And then he remembered. He remembered exactly what happened last night, who had turned up at the bar, who he’d gone home with, and, subsequently, whose bed he was currently in. He tried not to stir in alarm, his heart racing as he pressed his face against a muscled shoulder, the hint of a scar against his cheek.

_ Raidou _ .

Genma felt giddy, a rush of conflicting emotions coursing through him, the most powerful of which was elation. Fear threatened to drag him down, but he refused to give in to it, instead focusing on everything around him: the feet tangled with his, the warmth of Raidou’s body, the soft sheets against his bare skin, and the hair tickling his brow as he hid his face against Raidou’s neck. He remembered falling asleep almost exactly like this, and couldn’t help the slow, steady smile that spread across his face as a warm pull tugged at his heart. The whole thing felt like a gift, and although he had no way of knowing how Raidou might react to waking next to him, Genma knew just how happy he felt in that moment.

And he had time to enjoy it. 

A lifetime wouldn’t have been long enough to spend by Raidou’s side, sharing his warmth and simply feeling him there, alive and well. Genma’s heart ached with bittersweet longing as he imagined each and every morning for the rest of his life starting like this one, and although he knew that one would have to be enough, it both was and wasn’t. He tried to gather every detail of the passing moments to him as he lay there, carefully building up a memory he could carry with him long after this moment had faded: something he could treasure no matter what happened next.

Far too soon for his liking, Genma knew he had to leave. It was almost unbearable to have to tear himself away from Raidou’s side, to carefully slide his hand from Raidou’s grasp and untangle their legs, but there was also no way he could stay. As silently as he could, he slipped from the bed and tugged his clothes back on, folding Raidou’s with care and placing them next to the pillow, where he was sure they wouldn’t be knocked onto the floor.

It was then that Genma hesitated. Raidou stirred without waking, rolling onto his back and, incredibly, faced towards the thin curtain as if the daylight didn’t bother him. The handsome lines and features of his face were bathed in warm light, the scar twisting over the bridge of his nose and over his cheek seeming softer and yet somehow more vivid in the morning light. Genma hovered close to the bed, longing to kiss Raidou, or at the very least run his fingers through the mess of hair framing his face. He reached out a fraction and then wavered, indecisive. He bit his lip as he wondered how Raidou would respond to being touched. Memories of last night, and of lingering glances that had been cast his way over the last few weeks came to mind, but those things didn’t equate to permission for Genma to touch Raidou whenever and however he wanted.

With a soft sigh, Genma pulled his hand back, glancing around the room to make sure he hadn’t missed anything.

“I have to get going,” he said softly. “Work, and all that.”

His gaze fell on the pile of clothes he’d folded and placed on the bed, and although it didn’t appear as careless as leaving Raidou’s clothes scattered on the floor, there was something a little too clinical and impersonal about the bundle. Genma eyed it for a moment longer, and then dug into his pocket, working the trapped senbon free.

“You don’t have to keep it,” he whispered, knowing the other man couldn’t hear him as he placed the slender, deadly needle on top of the pile of clothes. He didn’t expect Raidou to keep it anyway.

Although, as he slipped out the door, no more words coming to mind, and made his way home, he couldn’t completely ignore the rather pathetic, sentimental part of himself that hoped Raidou would.

**Author's Note:**

> Like all authors I thrive on comments. Please let me know if you enjoyed reading this!


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